My Body, My Confidence

This here is the story of me, my confidence, and my weight and what it all means to me.

I’ve struggled with my weight for years. I’m 5’8″ and at my heaviest (between 2012 and 2015) weighed about 90kg (about 200lbs for my American friends).

I’ve always been in a bit of a catch-22 because one of the reasons I’ve struggled with my weight is that I have polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). One of the main symptoms is weight gain and difficulty in losing weight – and one of the main ways to manage PCOS is to be at a healthy weight. Yay.

Unfortunately, for much of my life, I’ve also tied my physical appearance to my confidence, so probably up through college I never really felt comfortable in my own skin.

My sophomore year in college and for about 3 years I was at my lightest, about 160lbs (70-ish kg) – a relatively healthy weight for my height. After returning to the States from a year abroad I gained it all back, and then some.

Mind you at that point I had decoupled my confidence (mostly) from my physical appearance. I bought clothes to fit my body and was the boss bitch I knew I was, with moments of self-doubt like we all have (hello, impostor syndrome).

Fast-forward to early 2015 and I finally got tired of feeling out of my skin and talking the talk of ‘I need to lose weight’ to actually doing something about it.

lifting

I hired a personal trainer and started lifting heavy things in April 2015, as well as flexible dieting (if it fits your macros…). As of September 2015, I’ve lost nearly 9kg (20lbs). Halfway back to where I want to be, where I need to be for health reasons.

So if you see me getting slimmer in my shots…this is why. And I encourage everyone to look closely at their health and habits and understand what it takes to be happy and healthy in your own body and focus on that. Fuck what everyone else tells you. (Unless they’re your doctor, nutritionist or personal trainer…)

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