My Story: Self Image and Weight

The author Liz wearing a geometric black lace demi bra and pale purple lace thong by designer Cosabella.

I wanted to share a bit about my own experiences. I started buying lingerie…I’m not really sure when or why anymore. I can say, that like most femme humans I originally bought them for my partner, because, well, they’d be the ones actually seeing them. And then not too far down the line, I bought lingerie just for myself. It was my money, after all. Why should it matter if someone else saw what I was wearing?

As I’ve grown up I’ve realised I’ve been very, very lucky. Bulimia or anorexia were not diseases I directly experienced. While I had my dark moments I never self-mutilated. I also grew up in a home that had very little negative self-talk. My mother is an amazing woman who is one of the most down to earth people I know. Like most good parents, she embarrassed me massively when I was a teenager because she was silly – in pubic – and didn’t seem to care what other people thought of her. I’m happy to say now that I’ve grown into a version of her that I’m happy with.

And so when I was in my teens and diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) I took it in stride. And when, after I graduated college and started working a desk job and gained 20 kilos (about 40lbs) over the course of 3 years, I realised that I needed to lose weight. And I tackled it rationally.

I had moments where I ate my emotions – that’s human. I had moments where I drank too much or gained weight or when I should be losing or skipped the gym or was in a bad place mental health wise. So I kept moving forward and kept forgiving myself. And I lost those 20 kilos. I deliberately put back on 5 or thereabouts after getting to my lowest weight since high school, because otherwise I wasn’t going to be happy eating the calories I would’ve had to eat to maintain that lowest weight.

This year, I’ve gained back a bit of weight that really shouldn’t be there due to my PCOS. Because I don’t want to have to tackle bad skin and terrible cramps and pain when I’m having sex. And the additional health risks of holding fat in my stomach as I get older – which is where I hold my weight, always. So I’m going to re-focus and lose about 5 kilos. I have a body, you have a body. We can manipulate it in a way that’s healthy for us when we need to.

Wrapped up in all of this is the fact that I really don’t give a damn what other people think of my body. It’s mine, not yours. And if my stomach offends you, don’t look when I wear one to the beach. Or the cellulite on my ass. Or my small-ish breasts. Or my big shoulders. They’re mine, not yours.

If there were a few things I could say that would hopefully help some people, it would be:

  • Everyone is more self-absorbed than everyone else realises. While you’re there worrying about what other people think of that weird little noise you made in the meeting, they’ve all forgotten about it already.
  • Learn your body and talk to a doctor about what is and isn’t healthy for yourself. You can be healthy or unhealthy at any size.
  • Destroy your self-doubt. Whether it’s self-affirmations, a journal, a therapist, prescribed medication, do whatever you need to do to find that balance and security in yourself. It’s there.
  • Remember balance. Stress is terrible for our bodies as well as our brains. Find your coping mechanism(s).

Categorized as My Story

By liz

Lingerie, body confidence, books, tea, awkward hand placements and klutzy walks, big smiles, glasses and weightlifting - in no particular order a few random words about me.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *